My life is changing, The children have all left home and hopefully no longer need our constant support. So this leaves me in that terrible empty nest zone that I thought I would sail through....well I haven't and I am at a bit of a loss.
I always assumed I would be fine, I loved watching my children grow in to confident adults and to take the plung into new and exciting lives. Both my girls left home a few years ago and although I missed them I was happy for them and loved becoming more friend than mother to them. I have been trying to kick my son out for the last 2 years to stand on his own to feet and make a life for himself. Well to everyone suprise he did just that back in March.
I was pleased as I thought it would be good for him, which it has been and I was very pleased for myself and my hubby. We married quiet young and started a family very quickly so we never really were a couple before we were parents. I love my husbands company and couldn't wait to spend more time together. It is great and I have no real problems or issue in that respect but I don't think we make the most of our time together and I do miss being a Mum. I know you never really stop being a mum, but its more part time now. I've found I have been worrying more about the children especially my son, in the last few months than I have for years. I think I am just trying to cling onto what is no longer there. I have lost a sense of who I am and what my role in life is.
I had planned to take my jewellery making from hobby to business and was confident that it was all I had ever wished for but I am realising I don't have what it takes to become a sucessfull business person. I don't have ambition, or drive or massive amounts of energy and commitment. I am sure I could push myself and would probably do ok, but what I have come to realise in the last few weeks is that if I have to push myself to do it, its probably not what I want any more.
So what do I do now? I want to find out what makes me happy and what do I really want to achieve.... a sort of job description for my new role and my new life .
Having done some research, many people suggest a list to help you make a desicion, so here is mine, of my loves and hates:
Things I hate/ need to stop
Be less isolated
Stop worrying about things that I can’t change or have no control over
Watch less telly
Be less patient with people so they don’t dominate my time so much
Say NO more often
Being bored/not having much to do
Wish my days/weeks away at work
Stop wasting money out of laziness
Stop picking at food coz I’m bored
Things I love/want to do
Be around people/be part of a community
Gardening
Being creative
Have a sense of achievement at the end of the day/week
Spend more quality time with my family
Read more
Learn to relax
Make the most of every day
Cooking
Look after the house better and make more of what we already have
Be more environmentally friendly
Be more active
All I have to do now is figure out what to do next...................................................
Your love/to do list is very positive and has lots of things that are achieveable quickly and in little bursts. Maybe you could start by using your creativity to 'make' a decorative version of your list to keep on view so when you're having a 'don't know what to do with yourself' moment you can pick something from it for an instant lift.
ReplyDeleteI think I need to do a similar listmaking exercise. Anyway I wish you lots of luck. Just persevere because it sounds as though you already have all the right ingredients for a fulfilling and happy life - you just need to change the recipe a bit now!
Who thanks oddsox, I think the idea of a collage of my goal to keep on display is a great thought, I am feeling more positive and starting to think this will be an excellent new chapter x
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